SYDNEY TINDER: BEST OF

So I know this was supposed to be a travel blog and all, but since I’m in a saving phase and living in Sydney at the moment, I now proclaim Wilds of Wherever a…regular living blog…or whatever…as well, to also reflect on what it’s like living in another country after you spend your cash on a backpacking trip.  But don’t worry guys, I won’t get boring on you!

Let’s talk boys.  A lot of my friends back home like to ask if Australian men are attractive. The answer is, on the whole, yes!  More so than back home.  The average Aussie is pretty cute, and even the OK ones are still usually sporty – I have yet to see one with Cheeto fingers and a neck beard.

To make the most of this situation On a completely unrelated note, I downloaded Tinder about a week ago.  Oh morbid curiosity and abiding love for all that is hilarious, you get me every time!  Since my readers – and by that I mean my immediate family – probably don’t know what this is (my dad’s using Vine now, though, so who knows), I’ll explain.  Tinder is sort of a dating app thing where you log in through Facebook.  Your profile consists of four or so decent pictures of yourself from your Facebook profile and a short tagline – no other info.  Mine says “Ready to be dazzled by your biting wit,” though I think it’s more normal to put in a Marilyn Monroe quote or something reflecting one’s cheery outlook on life / propensity to make lemons into lemonade.  Or what have you.

The app shows you people of the opposite sex (there are gay/lesbian ones as well but I think they’re a bit more hookup-focused) and you swipe them to the right if you like them and to the left if you don’t.  If you both swipe each other to the right, you have the chance to chat.  If either person says no, neither can send a message.  Once you’ve swiped, a new one appears.

If this sounds addictive, well, it is, a bit.  You never know who’s going to pop up next, and it’s a little rush when the cute guy swipes you back – the pictures twirl around with a message that says “It’s A Match!”  It’s like being a lab mouse in a psychology experiment – one of the ones that occasionally get a morsel of food or a bit of heroin or something when they press a bar in their cage and are therefore willing to press the bar another five hundred times until they score again.

According to word on the street, normal people use Tinder.  HOWEVER, fortunately for us all, there are some weirdos on there as well.  I’ve been screen-grabbing the best ones for your viewing enjoyment, and because I’m a merciful human being I didn’t include the close-up, high-res shot one guy put up of the open sores festering on his back.  You’re welcome.

Without further ado:

IMG_0109The old nose-cigarette.  Works every time.

IMG_0104OH BABY.

IMG_0126Poll: Is this duckface or Blue Steel?

IMG_0127Because every gal wants a man who passes out in front of the gambling machine.

IMG_0106What is this photo’s context?  Did you take it with a self timer, scrambling to get into the “great explorer staring deeply into the unknown, but also with his ass hanging out” position before the allotted twenty seconds were up?  Did you ask someone to take it for you, and if so why?  Or did you just not feel the breeze?  SO MANY QUESTIONS.

IMG_0105The beer in his hand says ‘costume party’ so I want to give this guy a pass, but…oh lord, I’ve seen an A&E special on adult babies…

IMG_0122Yesss, my precious.  I will smother your fine ass in nacho cheese and devour you right here in this Taco Bell.

IMG_0125This is actually a little bit impressive.  Looking at this one again, maybe I actually should have swiped right?  Maybe he’d just survived being stranded in the woods?  That would be hot.  He’s actually quite good-looking under that crazy beard.  Guess I blew my chance, so I’ll never know now.

IMG_0116I can has cheezeburger?

IMG_0117So this guy’s face is obviously squished up against this window, but it also sort of looks like he’s in pain because a ray of light is poking him in the side of the head.  Am I right?

IMG_0119WHEN can I start staring at your picts?  You are so attractive to be real.  I won’t hate, I promise.

IMG_0128This guy (who thinks he’s Miguel) would seduce you INSIDE A GIANT SMOKE RING and then give you lessons on how to add a soft-focus effect to images in Photoshop.  Win.

IMG_0115This guy…actually, in all seriousness, any man that thinks of doing this and then finds the time to execute it needs to be my husband.

Fess up: have any of my lovely readers used Tinder?  Do you have any epic screen grabs for me?  Please share!

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